I felt it might be appropriate to share with you a recent abridged and in some places paraphrased journal entry of mine.
3/30/08
Dear Journal,
I am currently sitting next to a Sept 11th Memorial on Cahuenga Peak. It is a most amazing spot and my soul sings to be here. I'm looking out over Hollywood Resevoir and Los Angeles, with Burbank and the San Fernando Valley behind me.
Today was fast and testimony meeting at church. I bore my testimony of God's love and how he has changed my life. Sometimes I want to scream to everyone about my struggles, but that won't fix them.
Father, I really know and feel your love. Please guide me in what I must do to become what you have in mind for me. Help me enhance my spiritual and physical and creative goals. Help me to fight daily temptations. Help me understand the meanings and purposes of my relationships with others.
The weather here has been beautiful and I am so grateful to be here living my dream. You know I've filled half this journal in nine months, though I've owned this journal for SEVEN YEARS? I am excited to finish it and begin a new book--I pray that the new book will be full of joyous reflection and gratitude instead of pain, sorrow and regret.
I'm thankful for: tall mountains, level plains, my voice, my mind, my head, hands and feet. The gospel of Jesus Christ and the joy that I feel when I am in church. I'm thankful for Bishop O'Laughlin--a man who probably saved my life, and most definitely my soul. I'm thankful for my trials because they shape me into the man I know I will be.
At this moment, I feel at peace. My mind is clear, my heart is full, and the air is clear and cool.
I can't ask for much more.
--
What do you think of that? Don't you wish you could feel that--in a sea of civilization, the great city of angels, a sea of buildings, pollution and depravity--that you could feel peace?
Hope I struggle to hold on to that feeling as I move through the week. If I could feel like that every minute, I know my life would be so different. But I am mortal and weak.
I have changed so much in the last year that I hardly recognize myself sometimes. There is always room to grow, to change, and to decide what you want to be. My attitude is better, and I am making plans to change my disempowering beliefs, my addictions and weeknesses.
Isn't life awesome?
