Thursday, September 14, 2006

Introspection...

I'm at a point in my life where it is becoming crucial that I start examining what I am doing.

And it's crippling me.

I'm paralyzed with the fear that if I make a sudden change to what I am doing, I won't be able to make it, or that I will be rejected, or that I will have made the wrong decision. It's scary.

I'm not happy with my job at The Emerson Channel, and I think I am going to ask to either be giving a creative position or leave the channel. That's scary. I'll be losing my spending income and creating potention problems down the road. Should I just stick it out? I don't know, and find it impossible to tell. But I know that I am not sleeping well, that I'm already feeling anxious, and it's only day 4... nothing has started yet!

I still have to drive my car home from the North Shore. I think that I might do it today if possible, so that I can have one less thing to worry about. I'll have to pack a camera to get some photos taken for when I sell it.

I'm sorry these posts are getting lamer. I've got a lot of goals on my plate for this sememster, and sometimes I wonder if I'll be able to meet them all. I have been walking about 30 minutes everyday with a few skipped days, but I think as long as I walk 5 times a week or so I should be able to fight weight gain and maybe even lose weight.

My meeting with a trainer from the Emerson College Fitness Center is Monday. I'll be taking a fitness test, and working with them to make a fitness plan so that I can increase my energy and stamina while hopefully loosing weight. I'm very nervous and very uncomfortable with this. I know I am very out of shape, and I don't want to fail. But we'll see what happens.

All of the classes I have are amazing. I'm really excited about them all. I am mildly concerned with the work load, but only because I am a procrastinator and I plan to be very very busy this semester.

The Organization Fair is tommorow. That's where I'll be signing up for FPS and NBS to hopefully work on more film shoots this year. I'd still like to work as a host on The Gentlemen's Club doing craft corner, and I really want to try out for director of Tracking. But other than that, I really want out of TV this year.

I want to poduce some of my OWN things, and I want to make them EVVY Award winners. That's my goal.

That's scary.

3 comments:

katier said...

you know Ezra...it is scary. it truly is. but you know what else? I believe in you, in fact, I know you have it in you. It's just a matter of you having to know that. I suffer from the same problem. I wonder why we're like that....I love you Ezra and miss you much. Oh and I have a phone number for you to call someone, so I'll be getting that to you too. Ezra, I am so proud of you and you're a great person and I'll always look up to you. (*smile* no pressure intended there.)


you can do it. I know you can!

David said...

Hey, I'm visitor 6,666!

Anyway, that's great with the walking and all and doing a job that your not happy with isn't any fun. You shouldn't definitely go after your goals one way or another, why else would you bother putting any effort into anything?

Voyageur Poetique said...

After routine exercise fights its way into your life it does not leave. I know from experience. Since you are exercising to gain energy & health and not just the robust greco-roman physique you will be able to stick with it longer. I found that in time you will feel that you need to exercise and get your fix. You can do it if you want it, you just need to decide on what you want out of it.