I've been thinking about things a lot. As most of you know, I am a very introspective person, and I am always thinking about what I am doing, where I am going, and why I am doing it.
So I began to think about why I am not feeling very fulfilled and happy here at Emerson College. I mean, I am involved in ECTV, EIV, EVVY Awards, Women In Motion, GME, LiveUpdate, Speechless, and of course regular academics. And I do enjoy doing those things... but I still feel unfulfilled, like I'm not doing enough. Why? Because I am not.
Sure that list looks like a lot of paper, but EIV, EVVY'S, ECTV and Women in Motion merely represent meetings, or in the case of ECTV, two meetings a week, plus my channel changing job which is as annoying as it is mind-numbing. Women in Motion has a two day shoot coming up this weekend, which will represent the first film shoot I've ever been on.--we'll see how that goes, I'm sure it'll be fun.
Then GME and LiveUpdate is usually just me sitting in a the master control room watching the program in case something goes wrong. They don't call it "babysitting master control" for nothing.
Speechless is fun, but all I usually do is set up the set, direct the guests into the studio and get a photograph of them. Not particularly rewarding.
But I think I figured out what is wrong.
I began thinking back to my Junior year in High School when Thad and I were working on our Documentary and our Raymond Carver "Short Cuts" adaptation. What made that so much fun, and why did I enjoy it so much?
Well, I realized that it was because I was being creative. That's what I am missing right now in my life. I have always had creative outlets until I came college! I used be be in almost complete creative control of my video projects, AND I was doing drama. I have done niether since being here.
Well, I think the reason is that I got so caught up in the 'organizational' route, meaning I joined all these groups to advance and build up recognition instead of doing my own creative work!
I think what I need to do is write a short film and work on getting it made. I know that "If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything", and in this vein, I have decided that I will get an EVVY award before I leave here. And I think I need to make it myself. I need to be in control. It will be totally sweet.
Knowing I have made this decision is not easy, because now I am going to have to do a lot more studying, a lot more working and a lot more rule bending to get access to equiptment.... I actually want to shoot on film, and you really can't get equiptment unless it's through a class or an organization. So we'll see.
I don't anticipate this will cause any major changes right, now, but It's something that I will do eventually, and I know it will make me realize once more why I am here and why I love movie-making in the first place.
Talk to you all later!